MY IVF STORY
My husband and I got married in 2016 in stunning Florence and decided to relocate straight after to Singapore to start a new adventure.
We tried for a baby naturally for about 8 months but with no success and decided that we should probably get some basic fertility tests done as we were both in our late 30s and didn’t really want to waste any more time.
To our shock and devastation we were told that my husband suffered from “cryptozoospermia” (extremely low sperm count). We were told quite directly that we needed to start IVF pretty soon if we have any hope of having a baby. We didn’t know it at the time but this was the start of what would be a very long, traumatic, heartbreaking and devastating journey.
ENDLESS INJECTIONS, TABLETS AND DOCTOR APPOINTMENTS
The reality of IVF left me feeling a like a hormonal, bloated pin-cushion. I felt horrendous with constant nausea. By the end of the treatment I realised that I had self-administered over 800+ hormone injections into my stomach, had the worst experiences with the painful daily progesterone shots in the butt (for months!) and had taken more hormonal drugs and blood thinners then I ever had . Not to mention the endless scans of all my private bits, blood tests and a 6-hour robotic laparoscopy surgery to remove endometriosis and adenomyosis.
I now realise that as I was going from one treatment to another, one scan to another it all became very mechanical. It was only when I started retraining to be a fertility coach that I started to actually pay attention and listen to my emotional well being and be aware of how I was feeling and what those feelings and thoughts were doing to me.
I remember my first IVF cycle was extremely painful and uncomfortable especially after the egg retrieval. I felt exhausted, nauseous, super bloated and deflated at the same time. My body was aching and my uterus felt as if it was ready to explode it was that bad. I remember having to deal with the pain as a few days later we were on a 13 hour flight to London for my sister’s wedding.
After the egg collection, we had 5 days of anxiously waiting to find out how many of our eggs would grow to day 5 (blastocycst), only to get the heartbreaking news that none of them survived. Honestly speaking I thought we would do one cycle get pregnant and have a baby. But that was far from the truth.
“We were both left lost and in limbo.”
“ Our dreams were shattered and we were left feeling hopeless.”
After our failed first cycle, I decided to leave work to focus fully on the treatment. I was confused about my career and was left uncertain as to what was next with our fertility journey. To tackle both, I found an amazing and supportive life coach and together we worked on my careers aspirations as I wanted a complete change of career. Without even a hesitation by session 2 I knew I wanted to be a Life Coach, and not just any Life Coach but one that specialises in Fertility Coaching.
“I didn’t want any other woman to feel alone in one of the toughest chapters of their lives.”
With our treatment, we forged ahead and tried again with two more cycles. Unfortunately both failed again and we were left completely and utterly deflated. At this point we were both broken, mentally, emotionally and physically. Thoughts of us never having our own family started to become a reality and hope was slipping through our fingers. To make the entire situation worse, I was suffering from severe Gastro Intestinal issues which I had to see specialists for to add to all of my other doctor appointments. I felt like I was literally being pulled apart in all directions.
After the fourth and most intense IVF cycle I was emotionally and physically drained. I remember waiting anxiously that day for the phone to ring. I literally couldn’t think about anything else. The Embryologist sounded upbeat and we knew it was good news! We had finally succeeded and had 6 embryos.
Getting my body ready for the Frozen Embryo Transfers (FETs)
In my mind, we had already crossed the biggest hurdle. What I really wasn’t prepared for both mentally and physically was the work it would take to get my body prepared to transfer the embryos. I was back on the painful hormones injections and felt as if I had started the IVF cycles all over again. There were many times we had to cancel the treatment and not transfer as my lining simply wasn’t responding well and we were left with no choice. When the lining was finally ready and optimal we transferred one single, precious embryo. After the painstaking 2 week wait, we were left deflated and heartbroken again as we were told that the embryo didn’t implant and we were not pregnant. We went through the pain again and each time it got harder and harder. Three failed transfers and we felt like the dream to be parents was never going to happen.
The world turns upside down
We were forced to take a break during the height of the pandemic.
As soon as the clinics were open to FET’s we started preparing for the lining, only to fail again. This was a tough, seriously stressful and anxious time for us as not only was I injecting hormones daily for the lining to grow but my husband was also made redundant which just added to all the emotions and distress. In all honesty this was a really dark time for us. We didn’t let it show and even our family and friends weren’t really aware of just how hurt and distressed we were.
With constant failed cycles as the lining wasn’t progressing, we took another break for a few months. By then my husband had found a job which meant that we could stay in Singapore and continue our IVF treatment.
In November 2020, we transferred two embryos and on 21 November we got the news that we had been hoping and praying for. The nurse called and told us that we were pregnant and the blood test came back positive! I remember falling to my knees and sobbing with my husband. We cried in each other’s arms for what felt like hours. The next week was tough with ongoing blood tests and more hormone injections and celebrating quietly each milestone as we were still so anxious of the long road ahead.
Miracles can happen when you least expect it
Fast forward past all the agonising and anxiety inducing scans and blood tests, we finally met our miracle baby boy in July 2021. Meeting him for the first time didn’t feel real, the pain, blood, sweat and tears all seemed so distant but like it was just yesterday at the same time. There are still moments of complete disbelief that we finally made it and count our blessings every single day. My husband and I continue to look forwards but we will never forget the battle, the pain, the suffering, the financial drainage and the fight we had to get here.
Reflecting on our journey
Our IVF journey became extremely painful at times, exhausting mentally, physically and emotionally. Without realising it, we had become completely obsessed with fertility and it often put my life on hold. I felt like I constantly was living in limbo without being able to plan my life. I felt so out of balance and didn’t feel like myself and there were times when I felt like things were just happening to me without having any say or control on the matter. What saved me and transformed my life and the way I lived it was when I started training to become a Master NeuroLinguistic Practitioner (NLP) and Life Coach . I was able to use tool and strategies to save me and us from getting into a dark dark place. The journey tested our marriage in some ways and in others it brought us closer together. It also tested our family relationships and friendships and used up pretty much all our savings. IVF isn’t cheap in Singapore (or anywhere else in the world!) and it is financially crippling for so many couples.
Fertility Coaching
We decided to seek help from a certified Fertility Coach who helped us process our fears, past trauma and helped us cope and manage our emotions in a way that would allow us to move forwards with our treatment and journey. This was a turning point for my husband and I as we were being emotionally supported by someone that really got it - from her own fertility struggles.
I don’t ever want any woman to feel alone or unsupported on this traumatic journey.
